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Monday, November 14, 2011

How To Be A Good Girlfriend


Ladies, if you do these things, any good man will reciprocate. Fellas, if a woman has never done these things, ask yourself what it is that you bring to the table if it's all good then she needs to step it up! Men AND women, set high standards for yourself and for your mate.

  • Be Honest - Be upfront about your standards and what you WILL NOT tolerate. Be clear about what you want out of the relationship. This way, if he is not willing to meet those standards, you can move on quickly and you are not leading him to believe that you are okay with something that you aren't. If you are in a relationship and have NOT had this conversation then you better stop reading now and go have "the talk" asap! It is important for partners to be just that; in tune.
  • Be Supportive - Show your man what he means to you. Show him that you are proud of him and his accomplishments (no matter how small or large). If he has a job interview, help him with his resume, iron his dress shirt, and set out his suit.  Instead of pointing out his weaknesses, encourage him to go after his goals. Although a man's ego can garner some eye rolls, it doesn't hurt to stroke it every once in a while. Tell him that he means the world to you. Take interest in his hobbies. Attend his functions. In the bedroom, throw in that extra moan (most men say they don't want a girl to put on in the bedroom, but what they don't know won't hurt him). No matter the circumstance, your man should always feel confident that you will be there for him.
  • Invest In Yourself - Be independent. A man shouldn't have to carry the sole burden of taking care of you AND the household. Just because he's a man doesn't mean that you shouldn't know how to check your own oil. Learn to be self sufficient. For a man, it is sexy knowing that you don't NEED him, but you're with him because you want to be. Utilize your skill sets. If you don't have one, get one. It does no good to have a God given ability and/or a degree if it's not put to good use. That means no more going to school just to obtain a "Mrs." degree.
  • Control Your Emotions - Especially jealousy!  If you have a good man deserving of these pointers and reminders then guess what; other women will WANT HIM TOO! You don't have to protect him from these women though. Trust fosters confidence and confidence strengthens trust. Checking him at the door, hacking his facebook, and/or demanding to go through his phone does not foster trust OR confidence. There is no need give anyone the "kill-a-bitch" stare in public either. If a chick gets reckless or is blatantly disrespectful then by all means, check her! But give him a chance to correct/handle a minor occurrences with misguided females.  It's natural for women's hormones to fluctuate causing moodiness and even the OCCASIONAL bat shit crazy episode. However, just because nature plays a part doesn't mean it you can't control it.
  • Have Class - Real men respect women that demand respect. Only a boy is intimidated. Carry yourself with dignity and set your standards high. This will be one of the main characteristics that your man will value about you. He should be proud when you and he are in public together, not nervous that you will go off and cause a scene. Everyone has a past, but that is exactly where it should remain. Your man should be able to take you around anyone from his best friends to the biggest celebrity, without you acting like a bop.  
  • Be Flexible - I don't mean be literally flexible (although that doesn't hurt) I mean be willing to adapt and go with the flow sometimes. You may not always be in the mood but it is helpful to allow yourself to be seduced. Let him sweep you off your feet from time to time. Men are not nurturing by nature. Fun fact! The human hormone responsible for aggression, sex drive, and muscle development; Testosterone, masks the hormone responsible for social recognition, pair bonding, anxiety, and maternal behaviors, Oxytocin, until they're about 50. When he makes a romantic gesture, don't push him away or reject him even if you are tired or irritable. Instead, move his hands to where you want them. Take interest in his desires and fantasies, don't just dismiss them. If they are a little too racy for you, met him halfway.
  • Learn Patience - Don't force your man to the next step. Just because you are ready, does NOT mean that he is. Men are creatures of routine and habit. It's not that men just want to settle but they DO like to get used to something first before they venture to something bigger and/or deeper. He deserves to bask a little. Allow him some leeway. Don't expect your mate to get where you are right away especially if you weren't fully honest with him about what you wanted from the jump.
  • Shut Your Mouth - This does NOT mean that you can't express yourself, BUT, women can go overboard. Know what you want to say and say it. If he needs an explanation; explain. DO NOT bombard him with repetitive details, drama, gossip, insecurities and instructions. Sometimes, less is more. The more words you use, the less effective they become. Give him time to reflect on what you just said, then come back later to discuss it. Men hate arguing.
  • Give Him Space - Guys need time alone. Sometimes they just need time away from you. Don't take it personal when your man doesn't want to spend 100% of his time away from work cuddling with you. Men need to hang out with their guys friends from time to time and do guy stuff. Don't be that girlfriend that keeps their man from doing things that he likes to do because you smother him and make them UNfun! DO make sure that you have an identity of your own so that you're not wasting away when he's away from you. Visit family, have a hobby, join a book club, blog, workout...well, you get the idea. 
Co-Authored by: The Queen of Kush